


16000 volts

by thefilthiestpiglet



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Electricity, HYDRA Trash Party, bucky is a totally functional human being
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:08:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27689392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefilthiestpiglet/pseuds/thefilthiestpiglet
Summary: The only way for Bucky to retain information is through pain.Written for the trashmeme prompt:https://hydratrashmeme.dreamwidth.org/2271.html?thread=4588767#cmt4588767
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	16000 volts

**Author's Note:**

> guyz I wrote this back in January 2017 and for some reason didn't post it here? Probably a combination of the hasty ending and the fact that it was a fill of my own dang prompt. Anyway, here it is for archival reasons.

The Asset wakes up in an unfamiliar bed.

He does not sense any immediate danger.

He sits up and assesses the environment.

In addition to the bed that he's in, there is a dresser, an armchair in the corner by an open window, a small bookshelf, and a closet. An adjoining bathroom. The lack of lurid paintings indicates that it's not a hotel room. A safehouse, then.

His body tells him that he hadn't been in cryo for a while, that he had been allowed to sleep a full eight hours.

This is highly irregular. Where are his handlers? What is his mission? Why was he sleeping without his gear? Why doesn't he remember? Did he mess something up? 

He leaps off the bed, goosebumps running along his flesh. They're going to punish him. Punish him until he remembers not to fail again.

Thankfully, he finds his knives and tac vest by the bed. Maybe he's still on assignment, then. Maybe there's still time to avoid additional punishment. He quickly dons the appropriate gear. (That set of mission protocols had been seared into him so deeply, he knows it in his bones.)

At the bottom, under the tac vest, was a piece of paper and a stun baton. The paper says "Mission" on the top, in a handwriting that seems oddly familiar, though he can't place it.

Disregarding the handler's baton, the asset quickly unfolds the paper.

 _This handwriting is yours. Your name is Bucky._ says the first line.

Something settles in his brain. Bucky keeps reading.

_You are not with HYDRA anymore. You are safe, with friends. But it's easy to forget, because they've fried your brain enough that there's only one way to remember things now._

He nods to himself. Only his handlers and himself knew about his memory problem, so this sheet of paper is to be trusted. Bucky then quickly scans the rest of the page. If it is true, then Project Insight has failed, the Secretary is dead, his last mission has been aborted, and he lives with the Avengers.

_And Steve is alive._

Something stirs in him at those words. Not the deep sense of rightness that came with his name, but ... a sense of exuberance, combined with disbelief. Steve. He doesn't remember Steve, but improbably, he knows him. But didn't Steve die? Or was it the Asset that died?

_I know you're confused. Check your phone for confirmation. It's on the dresser._

The phone unlocked with his thumbprint. There is a gallery of images confirming the paper's claims, a file on the Avengers, as well as his daily schedule and a short summary of ongoing projects. It's the most thorough briefing he's ever had for a mission.

Bucky skims through the intel, and the salient facts settle into place. This is a big, complex mission, but he can do it. He *has* been doing it. 

Bucky lets his head drift into that calm of mission prep as he takes off his tac vest and his pants. He sits down on the bed and palms the stun baton.

He double checks the bottom of the paper, where it says, " _Turn the setting to ~~5000~~ ~~8000~~ ~~12000~~ 16000 volts. You know what to do._"

Bucky sighs, presses the baton firmly at his perineum, and thinks, "My name is Bucky Barnes" as he lets 16000 volts of electricity run through him.

* * *

Steve is pouring his second cup of coffee when Bucky comes out of his room. Tony is on his ... tenth? Depends on how he counts days, really -- by the calendar or by when Tony sleeps. Steve spares a moment to worry about the bags under Tony's eyes before he's elbowed to the side by Bucky. "Hey pal, don't hog the coffee machine."

Bucky's walking with a limp again this morning, and Steve wonders briefly what Bucky gets up to in his room that makes a supersoldier wince as he sits down at the counter. But Tony would just call him Captain Mom, and Bucky would tell him to shove it and threaten to recount every single instance that Steve'd went to work with pneumonia. So instead, Steve stands there, and focuses on the fact that Bucky is not only alive, but sitting across from him, casually pouring a mug full of coffee and spreading cream cheese onto a bagel.

"Hey Steve, back me up here." Tony punches Steve lightly in the arm, then does a mock-wince as he pulls back.

"What?" Steve startles out of his reverie.

"I was just telling Buckaroo here about the clean energy expo that's in town. Well, it's in town because I'm hosting it, funding it, and leading it, but that's besides the point."

"Ah yes. The expo that you've been talking about nonstop for the last month? Please tell me more."

"Shut up, Rogers. Anyway, the point is --" Tony gestures with the coffeepot (his eleventh cup?). "I'm trying to get Barnes to go. But he..."

"I have my schedule." Bucky helpfully waves his phone as he flips a pancake with his metal hand. 

"... he has his infernal schedule." Tony makes a face, and Bucky just shrugs and pours him a twelfth cup. Between Bucky's various doctor and therapist appointments and the work he's been doing with Pepper, Bucky runs his own schedule so tightly that Steve's pretty sure there's a block that says "breakfast with Steve and Tony."

Tony shoots Steve a pleading look, then continues with his wheedling. "What's wrong with having a night out, Barnes? Afraid your coach is going to turn into a pumpkin at midnight? Too many scintillating books to read every night, alone in your room?" Tony pauses. "Wait, *is* it the books? Are they porno books? Where do you even find porno books nowadays? Have you discovered porn on the internet, yet? Let me get JARVIS to load some good ones...."

"Tony."

"Oh, yeah. The point I was trying to make, is -- Bucky, you should come to the expo tonight. I know it's hard to notice when my brilliance outshines everyone else, but you've had some good ideas for localizing the arc reactor technology and I think you should see how much cooler we are than the competition."

Bucky frowns, and looks to Steve. "I dunno. I'd rather stay home, I think."

"C'mon, Buck. It'll be fun. Tony promises it'd be better than the World's Fair. Plus you haven't let up about clean energy for the last 3 months."

"I haven't, have I?" Bucky quirks a hesitant smile. Then thumbs through his phone. "I guess it's okay if we make it home by 9pm."

* * *

Bucky pockets the phone and considers his options. It's already 9:03pm, and Tony is pulling him excitedly toward yet another hydrogen fuel cell. His memories, the ones seared into his brain with 16000 volts of electricity this morning, are now mere tenuous tendrils of thought. He palms the small zapper in his pocket. If he can just slip away for a few minutes, he hasn't ever had to do it in the bathroom before, but...

"... but I can think of 15 different ways to make it more efficient, just off the top of my head, and I only have 5 doctorates. Surely you can..."

The man next to him is pattering on about something. The clock on the wall says it's 9:05pm. He feels a sense of anxiety, as if he'd missed a crucial deadline.

The asset looks about him. He is in a large convention hall. The man next to him is tugging him toward a different display. There, about 50 yards away, a tall blond man is frowning at him while talking to a third, shorter man. That must be his handler. He must have been ordered to get close to his target and eliminate him. The asset glances at the clock again. He's probably eight minutes overdue. But maybe if he executes the target properly, they won't punish him too much. Maybe even hide the fact that he'd forgotten his mission.

The target seems easy enough -- he touches the asset with an ease that indicates camaraderie and trust. Good. The asset doesn't have any weapons on him except his arm, but that should be enough.

The handler is approaching, weaving slowly but inexorably through the crowd. No time to lead the target into a more secluded area. He needs to act now, before the handler realizes what's wrong.

He waits for the man to stop talking and turn to him. He grabs for the man's throat.

The asset is slammed to the ground by what felt like a freight train. He feels three ribs crack, and a minor skull fracture.

"Bucky, what the fuck are you doing?"

Steve's worried face looks down at him from above. There are screams around him, and ... shit.

"Bucky. You're bleeding." He feels gentle hands probe at his face. No, that isn't what he needs right now.

"Steve..." He grabs the man's shoulder with his left hand. There was something he needs to say... "Hit me again."

"What? Buck, you're delirious. Let's get you upstairs. Clear your head." The man is helping him up. Is moving him upstairs for a wipe. No, the asset has failed completely. But maybe if he can still eliminate the target... The asset spins around, scans the room for the target...

"Sorry, Steve, he's too erratic. I gotta do this." A low, familiar voice mutters from the right. The target! The asset moves to strike just as the man says, "It's only gonna sting a bit, Barnes."

A shock of electricity meets his fist and everything goes black.

\---------

"He's awake." At Natasha's words, Steve leaps up from his seat and walked towards the door, only to be held back by her hand on his elbow. She gestures to the screen. "Steve. We agreed that we'd observe first."

Steve runs his hand through his hair. It's not right, for Bucky to wake up alone, not when he has friends right on the other side of the door. But if he hadn't tackled Bucky in time, he would have snapped Tony's neck like it was nothing. And the things they found in his pocket... Steve nods and takes a deep breath, directing his attention to the screen. His priorities are first to the Avengers' safety. He needs more intel, and Bucky can't endanger himself too much in that room.

Bucky is sitting upright in the hospital bed. After a quick assessment of the room, he pats his clothes (a light grey t-shirt and long soft pajamas), and begins to look slightly agitated. He then begins a thorough examination of the hospital room, stopping only when he comes upon the folded sheet of paper on the bedside table.

Steve already knows what it says, so he focuses on the way Bucky's face loses its agitation and becomes eerily flat and calm. As Bucky reaches for the phone on the bedside table, to corroborate the paper, Steve shivers: is this what Bucky does every morning? Has he been the Winter Soldier all along, on a mission to be Bucky Barnes? Steve feels a reassuring touch on his hand, and turns to smile gratefully at Natasha. Whatever state Bucky is in, at least they know the truth now. And with that, they can move forward.

Steve hears Bucky's muffled scream, and whips his head back just in time to see him convulse on the bed, one hand stuffed into his mouth and the other holding the stun baton to his abdomen.

Another scream rips through the air as Steve pushes Natasha aside and runs for the door, and the third crackle of electricity is still lingering in the air when Steve barges into the hospital room.

"Steve?" Bucky's eyes go wide as he quickly pulls a blanket over the baton. "You shouldn't..."

"Bucky, what the FUCK was that?" Propriety be damned. Steve pulls off the blanket and grabs the baton. "What are you doing to yourself?"

Bucky looks down and fingers the small burn marks on his abdomen. "Leave me alone, Steve. This is my problem."

"The hell it is! Last night you go all Winter Soldier on us, and now you're zapping yourself. We need to know. *I* need to know." Steve grabs the sheet of paper. "Is this your mission? To pretend to be Bucky Barnes?" A cold knot settles in his stomach. "Are you punishing yourself for failing to kill Tony?" If Bucky has been a danger to them all along, they'll have to...

Bucky's eyes widen and he looks frantically between the paper and Steve's face. "I did *what* last night?"

"You were at the expo with Tony, Steve, and Bruce." Steve wonders how Natasha can manage to sound so calm by the door. "You tried to attack Tony, but then Steve stopped you. You made a second attempt, but Tony knocked you out with a small pulsor he had on his watch." She steps closer, and gently takes the paper from Steve's hand and hands it back to Bucky. "You don't remember, do you?"

Bucky searches Natasha's face for a long time, but finally he sighs and looks down. "No, I don't."

Natasha reaches up and gently caresses Bucky's head and murmurs something in Russian. Steve frowns. It seems like Natasha has decided that Bucky isn't the Winter Soldier and isn't a threat, but, "What do you mean, Buck, you don't remember? Why don't you remember?"

Bucky shrugs defensively. "Nevermind that, Steve. I can handle it." Natasha nudges Bucky, and he sits up, smooths his hair. "I'm sorry I caused so much trouble yesterday. If you'll give me another chance, I'll make sure it won't happen again. I'll stay in my room and only come out when I'm safe."

Steve waves the baton. "By safe you mean 'zap yourself with 16000 volts of electricity?'"

Bucky's mouth hardens. Beside him, Natasha lays a hand on Bucky's shoulder, but he shrugs her off and stands up. "Steve, I said I'd take care of it. I don't want to get into the specifics. Just let me handle it."

"Bucky, I can't let you handle it if your way is hurting yourself."

"Well, would you rather do it?" Bucky glares at Steve. "Probably only have to shock me once or twice for me to remember who you are."

As things finally click, Steve can't help but turn away. If Bucky has been zapping himself every morning then all those times he limped...

"Yeah, I know I'm messed up --" Bucky chuckles humorlessly behind him. "HYDRA fucked me up so bad that the only way I remember things is if I'm being hurt enough." When not face-to-face with Bucky's defensive glare, all Steve can hear in Bucky's voice is his weariness. "But unless you're volunteering to whip me bloody every morning, you best let me handle it, pal."

And with that, Bucky gathers his things. Steve steps aside to let Bucky out the door and back to his own room.

A moment later, his super hearing picks up the sizzle of electricity hitting human skin. Now that he knows what it is, it's impossible to forget.


End file.
